Ask Scarfanon

shubbabang:

funny story my 5th grade elementary school teacher was the one who figured out i had crazy bad adhd

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i hope she’s doing well

paranolives:

thenoodlebooty:

seanmonster:

Not so happy meal.

This is the only one of these I’ll reblog

Seconded.

paranolives:

thenoodlebooty:

seanmonster:

Not so happy meal.

This is the only one of these I’ll reblog

Seconded.

oopsishipit:

sunshien:

Silent Hill would be so much less scary if that was the siren.

mcshanee:

About two years ago, one of my college english professors told us we had to write a sonnet. A popular topic in the renaissance was fictional romances, so what better than my favorite fictional romance? I turned this one in, and…

Professor: Is this about a pilot and his plane?
Me: Sort of? Except the plane is a box. And it goes through time.
Professor: Oh. Sounds complicated.

mcshanee:

About two years ago, one of my college english professors told us we had to write a sonnet. A popular topic in the renaissance was fictional romances, so what better than my favorite fictional romance? I turned this one in, and…

Professor: Is this about a pilot and his plane?

Me: Sort of? Except the plane is a box. And it goes through time.

Professor: Oh. Sounds complicated.

jakesus:

pathsforgotten:

10knotes:

bless you joker

you guys missed the point of this monologue. the Joker is a psychotic mass-murderer that repeatedly attempts to blow up or generally destroy the city of Gotham root and branch. He’s saying that he won’t really be punished for THOSE crimes, but TAX EVASION (not paying your shake-down money to the government) WILL get him thrown away for life without a chance of getting out. Essentially, I can murder all the people I want but the second I try to cheat the government outta their shake-down money they’ll take me down.

This REEKS of political undertones. As does a TON of media that people are too thick to realize. Writers put this sorta thing into just about everything they do, but they do it low-key enough that it can’t be taken as treasonous only fictional and comical.

This also reminds me a Al Capone. The only time he was incarcerated for more than a week was due to tax evasion. Everyone knew he was responsible for tons of felonies, but he kept everything so well managed that none of the crimes he committed (or had others commit) could be tied to him. At the end of it all, his deeds were well known, but the only reason he went to jail was tax evasion.

hakoqaku:

SOMEONE AT METRO WAS COSPLAYING DASHCON best cosplay all weekend 10/10
flawless human being, if you see this and have a tumblr, please let me know so i can link to you. 

hakoqaku:

SOMEONE AT METRO WAS COSPLAYING DASHCON best cosplay all weekend 10/10

flawless human being, if you see this and have a tumblr, please let me know so i can link to you. 

talesofhomestucks:

homestucks are here

talesofhomestucks:

homestucks are here

insanityconcerto:

buckyremember:

theunbecomingofkatnisseverdeen:

schrodingers-fallen-angel:

padalalalecki:

idjits-havethe-phone-box:

A moment of silence

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for all those

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awesome books

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with absolute shit movie adaptions

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We are so sorry that happened to you

*COUGH*

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thANK YOU

id like to add

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you wanna talk about bad adaptations?

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I honestly didn’t even have to scroll down to know that was coming

rootworkn:

carpeumbra:

notalwaysluminous:

Wait… so your religion forbids something… but you’re NOT trying to enforce that prohibition on others via legislation?

Pork isn’t even illegal in Israel where Judaism IS the state religion.

EXACTLY

rootworkn:

carpeumbra:

notalwaysluminous:

Wait… so your religion forbids something… but you’re NOT trying to enforce that prohibition on others via legislation?

Pork isn’t even illegal in Israel where Judaism IS the state religion.

EXACTLY

badlittlekitten:

kinasin:

Harley Quinn #7

And people think I’m exaggerating when I say I’m actually Harley 

toomanyfandomssolittletime:

toomanyfandomssolittletime:

its really hard being a Hindu, because i wanna taste beef but i can’t because of religion. damn.

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wAIT WHAT

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mY SKIN IS WHITE???

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I’M NOT INDIAN???? I’VE NOT BEEN A HINDU FOR 16 YEARS BECAUSE MY PARENTS ARE ALSO HINDUS??

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cAN I FINALLY STOP WORSHIPPING COWS?!?!?!!

twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck:

metal-knight:

scootybootyman:

lascocks:

unexplained-events:

This giant(4 foot long) KILLER worm was discovered in an aquarium(Newquay’s Blue Reef Aquarium) in the UK. They found Barry, the giant killer worm, when they were trying to find out what was eating the prize fish and attacking the coral. Experts say that this worm can permanently numb a human with it’s sting.

NO
THANKS

WE NEED TO TAKE ENGLAND
AND PUSH IT SOMEWHERE ELSE.

The real question here is:
How the fuck do you suddenly find something like this in an aquarium.
how the fuck did it get there without anyone noticing it.

moving away from this planet a.s.a.p.

twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck:

metal-knight:

scootybootyman:

lascocks:

unexplained-events:

This giant(4 foot long) KILLER worm was discovered in an aquarium(Newquay’s Blue Reef Aquarium) in the UK. They found Barry, the giant killer worm, when they were trying to find out what was eating the prize fish and attacking the coral. Experts say that this worm can permanently numb a human with it’s sting.

NO

THANKS

WE NEED TO TAKE ENGLAND

AND PUSH IT SOMEWHERE ELSE.

The real question here is:

How the fuck do you suddenly find something like this in an aquarium.

how the fuck did it get there without anyone noticing it.

moving away from this planet a.s.a.p.

hyenadip:

Check it out!It’s your very own transparent dashcon ballpit!Go ahead and have a blast, click and drag it around your desktop.

Fuck, I dragged it, and now there are piss stains all over my screen!

hyenadip:

Check it out!

It’s your very own transparent dashcon ballpit!

Go ahead and have a blast, click and drag it around your desktop.

Fuck, I dragged it, and now there are piss stains all over my screen!

failedhellos:

mysteampunkheart:

lam681:

winmu:

scullylovesqueequeg:

tamtoee:

yeahmicah:

thegirlinthesea:

spookydatrump:

note-inthepages:

Accurate post is accurate.

Reminds me of the time a lady told me whip doesn’t melt. Or a guy yelled at me for not understanding him/hearing him because he kept talking on the phone

Lame

For those in retail.

I worked in a Lil Caesars and a woman came in and wanted a sausage pizza with no sausage, but got mad when she was given a cheese pizza.

So when I worked at fitting room in Old Navy, a woman told me that a medium top was too small, and that the large top was too large. So she asked me to find her an “x-medium”. Old Navy carries x-small, small, medium, large, x-large, 1x, 2x and 3x. There is no “x-medium”. But she insisted, so I went and found her an “x-medium” (which was just a medium in a different color but the same top, same make, same EVERYTHING) and she goes very happily, “THIS! THIS FITS ME PERFECTLY! THANK YOU SO MUCH! See, you can do anything you can set your mind to!”

I’m a waitress at a big fancy resort, and once a woman asked me for a diet water and when I told her there was no such thing she demanded to see my manager (who then also promptly told her there was no such thing and brought her regular water).Another occasion of stupidity occurred when a woman had been brought a steak cooked too much for her liking. I offered to take it back and bring her out a new one, cooked a little less, and she said “NO this one’s fine I just want you to cook THIS one a little less.” I then had to get the chef and have him explain why you can’t UNCOOK a steak.

When I was working at dunkin donuts there was this woman in the drive-thru who asked for a lightly toasted croissant and then started complaining that the croissant was warm. And wanted her money back, so she gave me the croissant back and I gave her the money and then she tells me “now i want my new croissant” she wanted a new one for free and as she was screaming at me this guy in a biker gang covered in tattoos leans over the counter in the store and yells “ma’am let me just tell you what we’re all thinking. fuck off, you stupid ****.” I couldn’t stop laughing and she drove away in anger.

Most of the people like in the stories above know that they’re being totally irrational, but also know that if they complain enough they’ll most likely get something free or discounted. So really most of the the nonsensical fucks are actually just cheap fucks with no shame or respect for people.

That last bit of commentary though.

at one of my old jobs, I worked as a sales associate for a garden center.  One day, a guy comes in, stands in the doorway holding a piece of a tree that is heavily infected with black knot fungus (a species of fungus that infects fruit trees; it is contagious as fuck and nigh impossible to get rid of, and I know this from personal experience).  He asks what it is, and my boss at the time tells him what it is and how easily it spreads.  Right as my boss tells him not to break it, the idiot snaps the stick in half, right in the middle of the fungus, and then says “so don’t do this?”  Then, just to cement his stupidity, he then asks “hey, can I chew this stuff?”  It took every ounce of willpower I had not to scream at him.  Keep in mind, the door was open, all of the plants we had for sale were right outside, and this guy is standing there with a highly contagious fungus and spreading the spores even after we’ve just told him not to.

failedhellos:

mysteampunkheart:

lam681:

winmu:

scullylovesqueequeg:

tamtoee:

yeahmicah:

thegirlinthesea:

spookydatrump:

note-inthepages:

Accurate post is accurate.

Reminds me of the time a lady told me whip doesn’t melt. Or a guy yelled at me for not understanding him/hearing him because he kept talking on the phone

Lame

For those in retail.

I worked in a Lil Caesars and a woman came in and wanted a sausage pizza with no sausage, but got mad when she was given a cheese pizza.

So when I worked at fitting room in Old Navy, a woman told me that a medium top was too small, and that the large top was too large. So she asked me to find her an “x-medium”. Old Navy carries x-small, small, medium, large, x-large, 1x, 2x and 3x. There is no “x-medium”. But she insisted, so I went and found her an “x-medium” (which was just a medium in a different color but the same top, same make, same EVERYTHING) and she goes very happily, “THIS! THIS FITS ME PERFECTLY! THANK YOU SO MUCH! See, you can do anything you can set your mind to!”

I’m a waitress at a big fancy resort, and once a woman asked me for a diet water and when I told her there was no such thing she demanded to see my manager (who then also promptly told her there was no such thing and brought her regular water).
Another occasion of stupidity occurred when a woman had been brought a steak cooked too much for her liking. I offered to take it back and bring her out a new one, cooked a little less, and she said “NO this one’s fine I just want you to cook THIS one a little less.” I then had to get the chef and have him explain why you can’t UNCOOK a steak.

When I was working at dunkin donuts there was this woman in the drive-thru who asked for a lightly toasted croissant and then started complaining that the croissant was warm. And wanted her money back, so she gave me the croissant back and I gave her the money and then she tells me “now i want my new croissant” she wanted a new one for free and as she was screaming at me this guy in a biker gang covered in tattoos leans over the counter in the store and yells “ma’am let me just tell you what we’re all thinking. fuck off, you stupid ****.” I couldn’t stop laughing and she drove away in anger.

Most of the people like in the stories above know that they’re being totally irrational, but also know that if they complain enough they’ll most likely get something free or discounted. So really most of the the nonsensical fucks are actually just cheap fucks with no shame or respect for people.

That last bit of commentary though.

at one of my old jobs, I worked as a sales associate for a garden center.  One day, a guy comes in, stands in the doorway holding a piece of a tree that is heavily infected with black knot fungus (a species of fungus that infects fruit trees; it is contagious as fuck and nigh impossible to get rid of, and I know this from personal experience).  He asks what it is, and my boss at the time tells him what it is and how easily it spreads.  Right as my boss tells him not to break it, the idiot snaps the stick in half, right in the middle of the fungus, and then says “so don’t do this?”  Then, just to cement his stupidity, he then asks “hey, can I chew this stuff?”  It took every ounce of willpower I had not to scream at him.  Keep in mind, the door was open, all of the plants we had for sale were right outside, and this guy is standing there with a highly contagious fungus and spreading the spores even after we’ve just told him not to.

majesticaljeff:

rednecktex:

huffy-lemon:

Favorite story posts part 1

That last one

My dad says the ‘making love in a canoe’ about american beer